Friday, June 3, 2016

keep goals secret

transcript of study of

Derek Sivers: Keep your goals to yourself

Everyone, please think of your biggest personal goal. For real -- you can take a second. You've got to feel this to learn it. Take a few seconds and think of your personal biggest goal, okay? Imagine deciding right now that you're going to do it. Imagine telling someone that you meet today what you're going to do.Imagine their congratulations, and their high image of you. Doesn't it feel good to say it out loud? Don't you feel one step closer already, like it's already becoming part of your identity?
0:40Well, bad news: you should have kept your mouth shut, because that good feeling now will make you less likely to do it. The repeated psychology tests have proven that telling someone your goal makes it less likely to happen. Any time you have a goal, there are some steps that need to be done, some work that needs to be done in order to achieve it. Ideally you would not be satisfied until you'd actually done the work. But when you tell someone your goal and they acknowledge it, psychologists have found that it's called a "social reality." The mind is kind of tricked into feeling that it's already done. And then because you've felt that satisfaction, you're less motivated to do the actual hard work necessary.
1:18(Laughter)
1:19So this goes against conventional wisdom that we should tell our friends our goals, right? So they hold us to it.
1:26So, let's look at the proof. 1926: Kurt Lewin, founder of social psychology, called this "substitution."1933: Wera Mahler found when it was acknowledged by others, it felt real in the mind. 1982, Peter Gollwitzer wrote a whole book about this, and in 2009, he did some new tests that were published.
1:45It goes like this: 163 people across four separate tests. Everyone wrote down their personal goal. Then half of them announced their commitment to this goal to the room, and half didn't. Then everyone was given 45 minutes of work that would directly lead them towards their goal, but they were told that they could stop at any time. Now, those who kept their mouths shut worked the entire 45 minutes on average,and when asked afterward, said that they felt that they had a long way to go still to achieve their goal. But those who had announced it quit after only 33 minutes, on average, and when asked afterward, said that they felt much closer to achieving their goal.
2:24So if this is true, what can we do? Well, you could resist the temptation to announce your goal. You can delay the gratification that the social acknowledgment brings, and you can understand that your mind mistakes the talking for the doing. But if you do need to talk about something, you can state it in a way that gives you no satisfaction, such as, "I really want to run this marathon, so I need to train five times a week and kick my ass if I don't, okay?"
2:53So audience, next time you're tempted to tell someone your goal, what will you say?
2:58(Silence)
2:59Exactly! Well done.
3:00(Laughter)
3:02(Applause)

Jayaprana


9 Jayaprana
This is the story of Jayaprana which happened in Bali many years ago. Jayaprana was a very clever young man who could sing very well and was good at telling stories. One day Jayaprana's parents became ill and died and not long after that his brothers and sisters also died. He was left all alone. After his family died, the king asked Jayaprana to live with him. The king liked him because he was good at singing and could tell interesting and funny stories. The king liked to listen to him. One day the king said to him, 'Jayaprana, you are a man now and you must find a wife. Every man must marry. It is not good if you do not have a wife.'
Jayaprana answered, 'But I am still too young to marry.'
The king said, 'No, you are old enough to marry. You must marry quickly. You can choose one of the young women in my house.' But Jayaprana was not interested in them.
One day he was walking in the town and he saw a beautiful young woman. Her eyes were dark, her hair was long and black, and her face was smooth and beautiful. She had a beautiful smile. When Jayaprana saw her, he fell in love with her. He asked his friends, 'What is the name of that beautiful girl?' His friends answered, 'Her name is Ni Layonsari.' Jayaprana could not forget her. He went to the king and said, 'I want to marry Ni Layonsari. Can you write a letter to her parents? Please ask her parents to let me marry her.'
Of course the king was glad to hear this and he quickly wrote the letter and sent it to Ni Layonsari's parents. The parents were happy to get a letter from the king. They said, 'We will be happy if Jayaprana marries Ni Layonsari. '
So Jayaprana and Ni Layonsari were married and they loved each other very much. They lived near the house of the king. One day the king saw Ni Layonsari and when he saw her, he fell in love with her. He went back to his house but he could not forget her so the king wrote a letter and gave it to one of his servants. The king told the servant to kill Jayaprana. The king sent the servant and Jayaprana on a long journey. When they were far from the city, the servant gave the letter to Jayaprana. In the letter the king said, 'Jayaprana, you must die. The servant will kill you.'
Jayaprana was sad but he was not afraid to die. 'I am ready,' he said. The servant took a knife and killed him. When Ni Layonsari heard about Jayaprana's death, she cried. Then the king came to her and said, 'Ni Layonsari, now you must marry me.' Ni Layonsari answered, 'I do not want to marry you.' The king was angry when he heard this, and he said, 'You must marry me now.'
Ni Layonsari answered, 'You must wait for eleven days.' That night Ni Layonsari took a knife and killed herself. When the king heard this, he became angrier. He took a long knife and began to kill his servants. He killed many people and, in the end, he killed himself.
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